Alanis Morissette's song
'It's a bitch to grow up' has been echoing in my mind for almost 2 months... Well,
the obvious question.. why for last 2 months? Well, I'm straight out of college
and have started staying in Hyderabad for my new job... Life seems to go as per
the plan.. no real reasons to complaint really exist because I'm precisely
doing what I have always wanted to do (to be paid for playing games and spending
time on Facebook) i.e. exploring life my way in a new city with new people with
a different kind of job... Well, I have used the word 'new' quite a number of
times in one simple sentence.. Yeah, I have some personal issues with this word
'new'... In other words, I am newphobic indeed, whereby I feel suffocated with
newness all around.. In this case, I'm being my own doctor and I'm sure I will find
a way around this phobia as everything is eventually about time...
Well, apart from bringing my
newphobia at the surface, these 2 months have been instrumental in the
discovery of some other things too that revolve around the process of 'Growing
up'.. The process of Growing up makes you face your own nakedness where you get
exposed to your own weaknesses for the first time.. It's in this process I
found that I'm an absolutely different person at different times in different
situations with different people, almost like a Schizophrenic growing up.. In
one moment, I feel like Alexander the Great who would conquer the entire world,
while other times I feel like a complete loser who might not be able to stand
for my own belief systems. Sometimes, I feel damn strong screaming 'come what
may'.. while other times I am a constant cribber...It's like I have a North
pole and a South pole residing in me.. I guess, that's what Growing up means!!!
Self-discovery through Self-designed experimentation tools under Self-guidance.
Sometimes I fly with super powerful wings, other times I choose to be the
tortoise in the race...
Sometimes I'm rock solid, others times I'm the princess deeply affected
with a pea...
Sometimes I'm red with new love blushes, other times I'm scarred by black
realities...
Sometimes I'm chirpy as the sweet bird, other times I'm quiet as the
midnight streets...
Sometimes life becomes larger than life, other times life seems no less than
the weight of wet cotton pulled by the poor donkey...
Sometimes its butter, other times it's like grated cheese...
Sometimes I'm the cyclist in the
yellow jersey, other times I'm a recent bankrupt guy...
Sometimes my confidence is oozing all over, other times I stammer with a
simple hello...
Sometimes I want to live someone else's life, other times I'm too envious
of my own life...
Sometimes I act like a grown up, other times I choose to be the kid
fighting his way...
Sometimes I'm the independent cat, other times I'm the attention seeking
dog...
Sometimes life seems perfectly planned, other times I am the CEO of 'No man's land'...
Sometimes life is virgin vanilla with no contaminations, other times life
is a Fruits sundae...
Sometimes I own the orchestra whose conductor is on leave, other times I
am the Commander-in-chief of the ants regime...
Sometimes I wish to camouflage beautifully in a herd, other times I wish
to be the undisturbed lovelorn...
Sometimes my life is Miss Loyal, other times its re-christened as Mr.
Infidel...
It's a bitch to grow up!!!***Henanksha***
